I'm sick of being intentional

Why friction-maxxing is a lie

Making any decision for ourselves is now something we’re rewarded for. Being anti-algorithmic is chic. Curating something implies you worked for your preferences. Autonomy or, according to Sam Kriss, being agentic, is everything.

Because all our digital experiences are smooth and frictionless, “intentionality” has become hard work. What we forget is that choosing used to be fun.

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Being intentional has become a chore

Marie Solis of the NYT Styles Desk wrote this essay on the rise of being “intentional” back in 2025 and drew the conclusion that the concept, carrying flavors of big-wellness, is the inverse of doomscrolling and an assertion of free will. She asks:

It’s easy to make the argument that this lifestyle shift is healthier. But is it more pleasurable?

My answer is NO. Because positioning “intentionality” as the antidote to “the algorithm” (or its broader theme of convenience) misses the point. Being intentional —in layman’s terms: making a decision—used to add color to experiences. It was fun. It was a privilege. It was not a chore.

We want a pat on the back for not doing the most convenient thing (following algorithmic trends, succumbing to targeted ads, mimicking tastemakers). The new default is to be complicit, so choosing for yourself is seen as performative.

Friction-maxxing doubles down on the utilitarian characterization of intention. The notion that friction is something to be optimized implies that it doesn’t carry any inherent value. It’s a means to an end —the end being distance from the algorithm.

After selling us all these services/gadgets to make our lives “easier”, companies are now looking to sell us MORE shit to re-introduce the friction that they once removed. But making something more difficult to access may force you to make A decision. That doesn’t mean that decision will be a GOOD one.

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Choice is a privilege

Google (somewhat) recently released an AI Wardrobe, promising the magic of a Hannah Montanna-2000s romcom-makeover through the power of AI. It’s selling a simple concept: don’t waste your time on choosing what to wear in the morning. AI can now do it for you, Clueless-style.

It’s clear that the people who came up with this concept did not consult anyone outside their circle. Because what do you mean you want to SOLVE shopping?! What’s gonna happen to the hundreds of thousands of “haul” videos that dominate my feed? The shopping listicle/affiliate link substacks?! …. Gift guides????? oh my!

This product/service/scheme seeks to address our crisis of choice. We have too much. We can’t decide for ourselves. We need to be intentional which, apparently, is a chore.

Let’s be real. If I weren’t doomscrolling eBay or TheRealReal, what would I spend my free time on?

Thing is, getting dressed is fun for me because I had to work for it.

At risk of sounding like every celebrity closet tour —there’s a story behind every piece in my wardrobe. I had to fight, dig, hunt (wait hours in closet sale lines). I remember exactly where I found every piece, how much I paid for it, and its exact care instructions. I even have a spreadsheet where every item of clothing is catalogued.

I say this because my investment (both monetary and emotional) in my collection makes getting dressed in the morning something I look forward to. Over the course of two decades, I’ve made a series of small decisions that gave me my current selection. I love the fact that my choices are limited, because it’s easier for me to decide.

Choosing is not a waste of time! It’s why life is worth living!

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Physical media dilutes the weight of choice

When I quit Spotify for CDs, I re-learned the joys of entering a record store and judging records by their album covers.

Being intentional is difficult when you can access everything: with Spotify, the world is at your fingertips, so you have decide all at once. With CDs, how you decide what to listen to hinges on a chain of small decisions.

1. Deciding to walk into a record store

2. Sifting through CDs/cassettes/records

3. Selecting a CD to purchase

4. Repeating this process enough times to have a library of music

5. Choosing what you want to carry when you leave the house for the day

6. Selecting from your already limited selection

Physical media makes access feel more tangible.

When you have a relationship with what you own, you naturally become so-called “mindful” of what you consume —purely because the difficult of acquiring and maintaining these pieces of culture requires real effort.

I’m sick of being intentional insofar as being “intentional” means being anti-algorithmic. I want to “solve” my decision paralysis by rediscovering the pleasure of earning the opportunity to make the decision in the first place.

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Hello friends! I recently enabled paid subscriptions to support some of my more rogue ventures in cyber celibacy (typewriters, building a printing press… more to come).

I also created a Snail Mail Membership, where (in true neo-luddite fashion) I’ll physically mail you this newsletter on a bi-monthly basis. For the first dozen snail mail members, I’ll handwrite your first letter <3