The Anti Gift Guide

How to show someone you love them without buying anything new.

They say time is money. I say gift someone your time, not your money.

Usually, by this time of year, I would’ve accumulated a long list of things I either ‘needed’ or wanted. As a recovering shopaholic, I’m no stranger to the visceral indulgence of Black Friday shopping. I’m pretty good at it, too.

This year, I’m retiring from the race… something about being assaulted by gift guides and targeted ads on every platform. But I still strongly believe in showing those you love just how much you care — and I don’t think you need to spend money to do so.

When was the last time you received a handmade gift?

This is my first year on Substack and I didn’t realize I was this late to the gift guide game — I apologize. I will do better. Paid subs! Look out for something special next week <3

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A few ideas for labors of love — 

Give them a book you read (and annotated)  

There’s so much whimsy in reading an annotated book.

As you read —hearing a voice that you’ve created and forming your own opinions about the content— someone interrupts. But they’re not interrupting you, they were interrupting themselves. Someone felt so strongly about something you also just read that they had to scribble it down. You’re being let into their experience.

An annotated book is not intrinsically performative. It’s intimate. It tells someone what truly matters to you. Where brand new books offer ideas and a topic of conversation, gifting an annotated book shares an experience. Yours, specifically.

I found this note in a copy of Diane Ackerman’s A Natural History of The Senses.

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Write them a Tiny Love

A couple years ago, for Thanksgiving, I wrote all my friends a Tiny Love — the NYT format of 100-word love stories (featured on their Modern Love desk). Why I love them and what they mean to me, all in 100 words or less. It’s a little more challenging than you think. I love a handwritten card, but I tend to ramble.

If you (or they) like it enough… you could even submit it! Having your love story read by millions doesn’t hurt.

An alternative to words — crafts! I once painted my guests for a dinner party.

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Monogram/mend their clothes

Remember when Blair Waldorf pinned a heart¹ on Nate’s sweater in Gossip Girl?

Anyone can shop Aritzia’s holiday edit. Only someone who really cared about you would take the time to learn how to sew (it’s easy) your name (that depends). Customizing, beyond just tailoring, gives clothing more character— it stops being something you bought but becomes something you made.

In elementary school, my mum would sew my name on my uniform in case I ever lost it during gym class, and every time I put it on, I thought of her.

Sashiko (visible mending) is your best friend

Sashiko was developed out of necessity, in poor communities during Japan’s Edo period. In a world of excess, it pushes us to connect with what we have.

I once met an older gentleman wearing this fabulous grey sweater adorned with small patches of colorful embroidery (sadly couldn’t snap a pic). “Everyone thinks this sweater is from some avant garde luxury brand, but really it’s just 30 year old GAP that my mother had mended for me over the years,” he told me. This could be you!

There’s also nothing wrong with a hand me down

My friend Hana’s mum is roughly my size (Hana is almost twice my height²), and her mum’s hand me downs are some of my greatest treasures. Give your clothes a second life! Customize it! Upcycle it! Embroider special buttons, a monogram, perhaps even a secret message.

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Make them a mix tape (not a playlist)

I mean physical mix tapes — cassettes, CDs, etc.. Forget Spotify’s god-awful AI-generated playlist covers and shitty Blends.

Remember when a mixtape you made for a crush had to be listened to in a specific order? When you scavenged the internet for songs to burn a CD. I’d spend days crafting, designing (really just gluing together) the cover, putting easter eggs in the song titles…

My longer rant on the merits of CDs (over music streaming) can be found here.

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Time is money, spend time!

Give yourself a project. Show your loved ones just how much effort they’re worth!

My partner (who can’t draw for his life) painted this wooden box for Christmas last year. He made stencils to draw lines and sketched out the ‘Tiffany’ in pencil. And while he did accidentally paint the clasp of the box shut, it’s one of my most prized possessions <3

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The one thing to spend money on ;)

Okay, perhaps there is ONE thing you could spend a little money on…

Support your Substack community! Gift a subscription of Cyber Celibate — they can get their first newsletter physically delivered :)

Don’t get me wrong, there are some great gift guides out there. I found Break Free From the Internet’s analog gift guide charming. Blackbird Spyplane always does a solid G.I.F.T.S. list.

Just a reminder you can love someone without spending $!

1. I’m not sure why there’s only a spanish-dubbed version of this but here ya go <3

2. I currently regularly wear Hana’s 7th grade gym shorts as PJs.